In my daughter’s eyes

In preparation for my daughter’s 5th birthday party, I am making a DVD of her past five years.  As I was looking through the almost 900 pictures of her, I started to notice the subtle changes in her…regression.  Children with autism appear to develop normally in the first year or two of life. They then regress, losing developmental skills, particularly in sociability and communication.  Last night, I saw the evidence with my own two eyes.

While I was watching the videos and looking at the pictures, I watched my baby go from the smiling, engaged, talking baby girl to a silent, distant toddler.  My heart aches and I’m angry!  I don’t think that will ever change.  It isn’t fair and I want someone to tell me why my baby?  Why did this happen to this beautiful little girl? The most difficult thing for me to realize was it was happening right in front of me and I didn’t know.  There is nothing anyone can do…no cure…no exact reason why it happened or why it is happening to 1 in 68 children in the United States.

Then I listened.  I listened to what was playing in the background of her movie.

In my daughter’s eyes,
I am a hero,
I am strong and wise,
And I know no fear,
But the truth is plain to see,
She was sent to rescue me,
I see who I want to be,
In my daughter’s eyes

In my daughter’s eyes,
Everyone is equal,
Darkness turns to light,
And the world is at peace,
This miracle God gave to me,
Gives me strength when I am weak,
I find reason to believe,
In my daughter’s eyes

And when she wraps her hand around my finger,
How it puts a smile in my heart,
Everything becomes a little clearer,
I realize what life is all about,
It’s hanging on when your heart is had enough,
It’s giving more when you feel like giving up,
I’ve seen the light,
It’s in my daughter’s eyes

In my daughter’s eyes,
I can see the future,
A reflection of who I am and what will be,
And though she’ll grow and someday leave,
Maybe raise a family,
When I’m gone I hope you’ll see,
How happy she made me,
For I’ll be there,
In my daughter’s eyes

I chose this song called In My Daughter’s Eyes by Martina McBride simply because it sounded pretty in the first 20 seconds I listened to on iTunes and it was a recommended song for birthday girl slide shows.  What I didn’t realize was that not only is it the perfect song, but the words I needed to hear more than anything last night.  When I woke up this morning and looked into my daughter’s eyes, I knew God gave me this miracle for a reason.  I have faith that one day there will be answers to my questions and relief for the pain in my heart.  But for now, I’ll live through my daughter’s eyes.

XO,

Stacey

2 thoughts on “In my daughter’s eyes

  1. Praise God. I will pray for your daughter.i am a nurse. please see my posts on vaccinations. Just love love love her. She’s a gem! This poem is so touching. My brotherinlaw has three autistic children so i know your heartache. God bless your daughter you and your family. I will pray a hedge of protection around her.

    Like

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